Ramblings after a Sunday long run

Today is World Cancer Day. It’s also my long run day. As much as it was sunny outside, it was also cold, so I took my run to the gym instead of heading for the mountain as I had intended. Sixty minutes later, I’m comfortably tired, stretching like a cat as I let my heart rate come back down.

I chose a Peloton class from Mariana Fernández. Her run/walk sessions are becoming a favorite for me to balance my need to run with some walking intervals that are not always just about recovery. Today, that meant progressively steeper hills. And it finished with a seven minute running block that reminded me what I’ll be aiming to get back to on the other side of surgery – that feeling of moving your body when your pace is locked in and you can just run effortlessly.

I’m grappling with what does it mean that I now count myself among those living with cancer? I’ve learned I have an aversion to a lot of the language surrounding how cancer patients are described and the rhetoric that seems endlessly focussed on war. Maybe I’ll get over that, but for now, I’d rather think about treating and managing this disease than fighting a battle.

Like any taper, I’m also counting down. I didn’t run yesterday, so there are three runs left before surgery on Thursday. I am one of those people who thinks of running as therapy — not a replacement for a therapist, but definitely a time to reset and recenter — so these runs are all part of my mental game to get ready.

I’m surprised that I’m not really nervous. That might change, but right now, I’m in a good place. Getting organized, cooking, and making sure I have everything I need to take to the hospital with me. And just like race day, trying to figure out what is the best gear to wear.

I laughed to myself as I was laying out options on my bed this afternoon. It’s a different take on the tradition of a pre-race ‘flat Brenda.’ The front runner is a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved layer, both made of my favorite lux fabric.

After surgery is all a big unknown. My best friend will stay with me for a few days to make sure I’m settled and comfortable on my own. What recovery looks like remains to be seen. I’m hoping for a week of gentle walks, followed by shifting focus to walking with intent. And if all goes well, by the time my post-op appointment rolls around at the three week marker, I’ll be cleared to start run/walk intervals.

At least that’s the plan, for now.